How come Brook cannot sharpen a pencil without breaking the lead and getting it jammed in the sharpener?

So, we have this wonderful pencil sharpener that is like those in school. Since we homeschool, we must have a school-like pencil sharpener mounted to the wall. (Next, they’ll want school-like desks bolted to the floor).

This is how it happens… every damn time:

I go to sharpen a pencil only to discover that Brook has, once again, broken a pencil lead off in the damn thing. This child is incapable of sharpening a pencil without reeking havoc on the sharpener. On top of this, she never tells me that she has done it, again. When she hears my aggravated comment of, “Ugh, not again”, she responds with, “Oh, yeah. I broke the sharpener again.”

Jeez, really? I hadn’t noticed.

If you’ve ever had to dislodge a jammed pencil lead from the jaws of a pencil sharpener, then you know what a pain in the ass it can be.

I’m here to tell you the top secret way to dislodge this pesky lead that is seemingly determined to stay put.

Step 1: Cuss at the thing and/or situation. It doesn’t really do anything but it will make you feel better.

Step 2: Remove the pencil shavings catcher cup thingy.

Step 3: Cuss all the shavings that just spilled all over the floor.

Step 4: Rush to get the broom and dust pan to clean up the newly created mess before the dog scatters it and tracks it all through the house.

Step 5: Yell at the dog for getting in the mess.

Step 6: Wrestle the dog into his crate to avoid any further messes… only to create a further mess while doing so.

Step 7: Proceed to sweeping up the scattered pencil shavings and disposing of them into the garbage can.

Step 8: Grab a toothpick.

Step 9: Cuss while your cleaning up the spilled toothpicks from the counter and floor because the toothpick manufacturer clearly does not believe in gluing the damn box together.

Step 10: Insert the toothpick into the pencil sharpener as if you’re going to sharpen it.

Step 11: Wedge the toothpick between the jammed pencil lead and the part that sharpens the pencil.

Step 12: Turn the crank backwards, increasing speed as needed, as you slowly pullout the toothpick.

Step 13: Continue step 12 until the lead and toothpick fall out.

Step 14: Replace the pencil shavings catcher cup thingy.

Step 15: Sharpen your pencil.

Step 16: Let the dog out of his crate.

Ta-daa! Thank you, thank you! No applause please! Oh, a standing ovation, aren’t ya’ll sweet!

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Disclaimer:

Results may vary. I make no guarantees that this method will work with all pencil sharpeners or any sharpeners other than mine. I make no guarantees that this method will work each time or anytime. You may not execute this method perfectly the first time. It does take practice.